Welcome to this new movement!

But honestly, there’s nothing new about it. What we’re talking about is the most basic of human experiences: We’re born. We die. No exceptions.  

We’re talking about bringing death and dying back into our lives, into our families, and into our homes. Not that long ago most people experienced firsthand both the birth and death of others. Now, because death and dying have become so medicalized, so institutionalized, we’ve separated ourselves from the whole experience of living, which includes dying. 

My mother’s hands and mine. August 2018. (© R. Brown)

There are pressing reasons now for demystifying the dying process. The incredible advances in technology around keeping us alive have in many ways gone beyond our deeper considerations of the moral, ethical, and human consequences of medicalized end of life. Death has somehow become a failure. Something to be avoided, dreaded, not talked about in polite company.

Many of us who came together to launch this movement had loved ones who suffered unfortunate, if not alarming, experiences at end of life. There are many ways NHAELO can encourage better quality at end of life. First and foremost, we believe that each of us may benefit from having good conversations about what matters most. Our personal values and priorities should influence not only what kinds of medical treatments we might want or reject, what kind of death we might hope for, but most important, how we choose to lead our lives, from today until whenever we die. 

We’re here because we love living. We’ve come together not only because we want more personal autonomy and informed choice around medical decisions and end of life options, but because we believe there is something far greater gained in the full embrace of living. That embrace includes walking consciously toward our inevitable deaths. It means not only living life purposefully, but growing into the fullness of who we are as humans.

Hospice leader and Zen teacher Frank Ostaseski writes in his masterful book, The Five Invitations:

Lessons from death are available to all those who choose to move toward it. I have witnessed a heart-opening occurring in not only people near death but also their caregivers. They found a depth of love within themselves that they didn't know they had access to. They discovered a profound trust in the universe and the reliable goodness of humanity that never abandoned them, regardless of the suffering they encountered. If that possibility exists at the time of dying, it exists here and now. . . . Death is much more than a medical event. It is a time of growth, a process of transformation. Death opens us to the deepest dimensions of our humanity. Death awakens presence, an intimacy with ourselves and all that is alive.

Because our culture is so death averse, many people have not done legal, financial, emotional, and relational planning for end of life. This leaves them and their loved ones unprepared and can make a very challenging time even more fraught. We want to encourage and help people to learn more, understand more, examine their own values, wishes, and preferences, and feel empowered to make decisions that are best for them, whatever those decisions may be. Our goal is to help lessen confusion, fear, avoidance, and lack of understanding.

Please join us. There are many ways we can move forward, and we welcome you.