Two Contrasting Moments
Two very different moments can happen when a medical crisis occurs.
In one, a doctor asks, “Who is the healthcare proxy?”
Someone steps forward and says, “I am. We’ve talked about this. I know what she would want.”
In the other, family members look at one another in confusion.
Someone finally says, “I think it might be me… but we never talked about it.”
Being a healthcare proxy is much easier when conversations happen ahead of time.
Your job is simple in principle, though not always easy in practice: to speak for what the person would want if they could speak for themselves.
If You’ve Been Named a Healthcare Proxy
If someone has asked you to serve as their Healthcare Proxy (Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare), it means they trust you deeply. It is both an honor and a serious responsibility.
The good news is that you do not have to figure it out alone. There are excellent resources that explain the role and help you prepare, including tools from the American Bar Association Medical Decisions Handbook and The Conversation Project’s BeAProxyGuide.
The Role of the Healthcare Proxy
As a healthcare proxy, you become the person’s voice if they cannot speak for themselves. A medical provider must first determine that the person no longer has the capacity to make their own medical decisions.
This can happen suddenly – such as after an accident – or gradually as an illness progresses. When that determination is made, you are authorized to make healthcare decisions on their behalf. While you may consult with family members or others, you are the legally designated decision maker.
Rights of a Healthcare Proxy
As a healthcare proxy, you have the authority to:
- Review medical records
- Speak directly with doctors, nurses, and other members of the care team
- Request consultations or second opinions
- Approve or decline surgeries and medical treatments
- Decide about interventions such as artificial nutrition, pacemakers, or antibiotics
- Establish Do Not Resuscitate (DNR/CPR) status
- Request palliative care or hospice services
- Transfer care between hospital, home, or nursing facility
- Stop or withdraw life-sustaining treatment when appropriate
To carry out these responsibilities, it is important to ask questions, understand the options, and consider possible benefits and burdens of treatments. In some situations, short-term trials of treatment can help clarify what is best.
What Makes a Good Healthcare Proxy?
Being a strong proxy is less about medical knowledge and more about understanding the person who chose you.
Being present
Medical decisions often happen in stressful and emotional situations. Staying calm and attentive helps everyone involved.
Putting yourself in their shoes
Your role is to represent what they would want—based on their values, beliefs, faith, and sense of quality of life.
Being prepared
The best proxies have talked with their person ahead of time. Reviewing advance directives, discussing possible scenarios, and using conversation guides can make a tremendous difference.
Helping families stay focused
Family members may have different opinions or emotions in difficult moments. As the designated proxy, you help ensure decisions reflect the wishes of the person who trusted you with this role.
You Are Not Alone
Many professionals can help support you in this role, including:
- Physicians and nurses
- Social workers
- Hospital chaplains
- Patient advocates or ombudsmen
- Hospital ethics committees
Never hesitate to ask for help or clarification.