This could be the last time I write to you. I've been sharing my story for over a year and the end is drawing closer.

I know this is reaching you at the same time that that Vermont’s new residency law is also about to take effect. I hope to have the MAiD option in Vermont; I’ve identified a physician there who is willing to see me. But I can tell you that already the complications are mounting.

The prospect of leaving home when I’m at my weakest is of course very unappealing, even intimidating. If I go to Vermont I have to find a place where I can self-administer the drugs that will allow me to die. I’m told there’s a B&B located near my potential physician that is open to hosting MAiD patients. As much as I appreciate that, it's hard to wrap my head around dying in an unfamiliar place. We know other people in Vermont, but it’s obviously a very difficult request to make: ”May I die in your home?”

It’s becoming clearer to me that it's cruel to make people leave their homes. All most of us really want at the end is to die at home.

I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve lived with glioblastoma far longer than most people. But I'm feeling significant unwelcome changes in my mind and body now that my treatments are over. There was one more chemo option that I could have tried, but the likelihood of success so small, and the side effects so debilitating, that I decided doing that is not how I want to spend the last time of my life. I want to try to live my remaining days as engaged with my loved ones as possible and finishing the things that I need to do before I depart. I value quality not quantity.

I want the option for medical aid in dying because I know how this story ends. I've lived for nearly five years knowing there is no escaping this disease. My physician has told me I’ll probably be dead within three months.  Still, the prospect is daunting. Are you ever really ready to die? I may feel differently in a few weeks or a few months as the cancer progresses and my body continues to break down, but right now all I want to do is live.

I believe it’s cruel to ask people to suffer longer than they want. It should be completely up to us as individuals to decide what amount of suffering is bearable. No one else can legislate or prescribe that. This is such a question of individual choice and autonomy, and relationship with our loved ones.

That’s why I believe it’s cruel and unnecessary to require that you have a prognosis of less than six months to live to use MAiD - which is required in every state where MAiD is legal. Maybe I’ve had it easier than some people who have very long term debilitating illnesses, people for whom physical, psychological, and/or spiritual pain and suffering becomes unbearable well before they are judged to be within six months of dying.

Finally, as much as I appreciate Vermont’s making MAiD available to nonresidents, and hope to have that option, it’s becoming clearer to me that it's also cruel to make people leave their homes. All most of us really want at the end is to die at home.

 I hope to continue to share my story. But it’s true that no one, no matter how healthy or ill, is guaranteed to be alive tomorrow. We’re all in the same boat, ultimately. Please support the effort to bring MAiD to New Hampshire.